Stoern, the firm that believe they have created what is effectively a perpetual motion machine, are doing another demonstartion in Ireland all this week. After the fiasco at Spitalfields a couple of years back, I won't be holding my breath, but I have to admire their perseverance with pushing such a bonkers idea in such a public forum.
More info here.
Nice little stop motion video, watch out for the internet meme star cameo appearance...
Chris Hunt, 26, has changed his name to Mr Monster Munch after a dare by friends.
Mr Hunt, or Mr Munch as he is now officially called, enjoys a packet of pickled onion Monster Munch for breakfast, a roast beef Monster Munch sandwich for lunch, and a bag of Flamin' Hot Monster Munch for his dinner.
"I just can't get enough of them," the Daily Telegraph reported Mr Munch as saying. "I love all the flavours, but admit roast beef is a particular favourite.
"I used to just eat three bags of roast beef a day, but I decided I needed a bit of variety in my life, so now I vary the flavours between breakfast, lunch and dinner."
"I make sure I eat a balanced diet. I just don't want to give up Monster Munch. I loved them when I was a lad and when they brought out the new retro packs I must admit my heart skipped a beat.
Sadly, or maybe that should be brilliantly, this is not a spoof. MSN News
Bill Dance Outdoors is a fishing television series hosted by retired professional tournament angler Bill Dance. Each episode focuses on various aspects of recreational fishing techniques, usually targeting black bass species such as Largemouth and Smallmouth bass, though does occasionally focus on other species such as Channel catfish and Bluegill. Each episode is about half an hour long, and will occasionally include viewer mail, product advertisement, and tips & tricks segments along with the primary topic of the particular episode. WIKI
Oh, and by the way, he is the most accident prone man on planet Earth. As far as I can tell, having read up on the man, these are all 100% real...
Ah the Fast Show, brilliant.
OK, I know what you're thinking - this must have been photoshopped or taken out of context. Even the absolute numbskulls at the manipulative, truth twisting Fox Corporation couldn't be this stupid. Think again...
If there's one thing we learned from terrorists in the eighties, it's that you don't piss off Arnold Schwarzenegger. We never learned a second thing, because they were dead by then.
San Fransisco assembly member Tom Ammiando found this out after insulting the Governator, who responded by shooting down Tom's financial restructuring bill with the above letter.
The best bit is that this was only Stage One in a multiple prank warhead. When asked about it, Schwarzenegger's spokesman said:
"My goodness, what a coincidence that it would say something along the left-hand margin. But I suppose when you do some many vetoes, something like this is bound to happen."
When someone starts a not-apology with "My Goodness," they've just verbally slapped your other cheek and said "You're damn right I did it and I still think it's funny."
If I was a good boy, I was allowed to stay up late to watch The Equalizer on ITV. Interestingly, the theme tune was written by Stewart Copeland, drummer of The Police.
I recommend this work out every morning before work:
Track List:
01. The Simpsons Main Title Theme
02. Flaming Moe's
03. We Love To Smoke
04. Testify
05. The Simpsons End Credit tHeme (Hill St Blues Homage)
06. Plow King
07. Senor Burns
08. Krusty The Clown Main Title
09. A Boozehound Named Barney
10. Canyohero (w/ Hank Williams, jnr)
11. The Simpsons End Credit Theme (Its A Mad,Mad,Mad,Mad World Homage)
Ladies and Gentlemen, Ken Bastida filling in for Dana King; but why, you may ask..?
Bastida became an internet celebrity for an on-air gaffe in 2008, in which he read a teleprompter incorrectly and seemed to inform viewers that his co-anchor Dana King was not in the studio because she had been "murdered and set on fire while celebrating his birthday". Wikipedia
Seen the The Straits Times when I was in Malaysia last week. Cancel Mr Olympia, Mr Singh is taking over.
A white guy walks into the plastic surgeon's office and asks, "I want to be black. Can you do that?"
"Yeah, but we'll have to add two inches to your penis, take away 30% of your brain and make you 70% darker."
"Okay."
After the operation, the surgeon says, "I'm sorry, but we've made some mistakes. We cut off two inches off your penis, took away 70% of your brain and made you 30% darker. Is this okay with you?"
"Si, senor."
What's that Rod? You need to go up on the roof and fix the aerial?
Often cited as the greatest live performance by a band of all time, in July 1985 Queen took the stage at Wembley stadium for a performance that continues to set the bench mark for live music.
Funny clips from gaffes on the radio. I like.
http://www.radiofail.tk/
The sourcing of a fart involves a ritual of assignment that sometimes takes the form of a rhyming game. The trick is to pin the blame on someone else, often by means of deception, or using a back and forth rhyming game that includes phrases such as:
* He who observed it served it.
* He who first ejected it detected it.
* Whoever rhymed it crimed it.
* Whoever spoke last set off the blast.
* Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
* Whoever denied it supplied it.
* The next person who speaks is the person who reeks.
* The smeller's the feller.
* Who sat on a duck?
* The one who said the verse just made the atmosphere worse.
* He who accuses blew the fuses.
* The first chicken that cackles, laid the egg.
And in some cases, blame was laid upon either the dog or the cat.
"One of Britain's longest running and best loved rock acts split up today after Dave announced his retirement from Chas & Dave" - The Telegraph
It's a sad day when of two Britain's finest musicians of all time decide to call it a day. They produced some of the great classics of British music from the past three decades. Ageless tunes such as Gertcha, Rabbit, Romford Rap, Ossie's Dream (Spurs Are On Their Way To Wembley) and so many more. However, my personal favourite has to be the 1986 smash hit "Snooker Loopy".
"Snooker Loopy" is a comic song about snooker. It was released as a single in May 1986 and entered the UK Singles Chart, reaching #6 and featured snooker players Steve Davis, Dennis Taylor, Willie Thorne, Terry Griffiths and Tony Meo, as backing vocalists under the name 'The Matchroom Mob' - Matchroom Sport being the company owned by promoter Barry Hearn which managed all these top snooker professionals at the time.
The lyrics are a mild satire on the style and antics of the players involved: "old Willie Thorne; his hair's all gone" for example. The verse on Steve Davis also makes light of the famous 1985 World Snooker Championship final and his missed black in the final frame.
Chas & Dave still perform the song at their live shows with the original lyrics, even though most of the players mentioned have now retired from the game, although some are still known as part of the BBC commentary team.
Also, an amazing nugget that is not widely known: Chas and Dave played on one the biggest rap singles of all time - My Name Is, by Eminem.
In the seventies Chas & Dave were prolific session musicians before their own thing took off, playing on many albums for a wide range of artists. One such album was Labi Siffre's 'Remember My Song' from 1975. One of the tracks on this album - 'I Got The' - was sampled by Eminem on his breakthrough hit 'My Name Is' and is the main musical refrain of the track. Chas is playing guitar and Dave is playing bass.
After being forced to lip sync on German TV, Iron Maiden were not happy so decided to do this:
Ig Nobel 2006 Medicine Award Hiccups Acceptance Speech
First Michael Jackson and now the world of music has lost another great. Rest in Peace H from Steps.
I was pretty underwhelmed by Derren Brown's latest trick - "predicting" the lottery numbers. The fact that he told us what numbers he had predicted after the draw had been made really did defeat the whole purpose of the event. There are a number of ways he could have done it, this video being my favourite and I suspect the most probable.
One thing though - this is not Brown's style. Cheap camera trickery can be done by any old fool with a camera and a computer. I suspect or at least hope all this is a mere distraction and that come Friday night the real, much bigger, trick will be revealed.
This is a short video of someone at the zoo. So what you might ask? Well, the only significant thing whatsoever about this video is that is was the very first video ever to be posted on Youtube... apparently.
From wikipedia:
YouTube began as a venture-funded technology startup, primarily from a US$11.5 million investment by Sequoia Capital between November 2005 and April 2006. YouTube's early headquarters were situated above a pizzeria and Japanese restaurant in San Mateo, California. The domain name www.youtube.com was activated on February 15, 2005, and the website was developed over the subsequent months. The first YouTube video was entitled Me at the zoo, and shows founder Jawed Karim at San Diego Zoo. The video was uploaded on April 23, 2005, and can still be viewed on the site.
YouTube offered the public a beta test of the site in May 2005, six months before the official launch in November 2005. The site grew rapidly, and in July 2006 the company announced that more than 65,000 new videos were being uploaded every day, and that the site was receiving 100 million video views per day. According to data published by market research company comScore, YouTube is the dominant provider of online video in the United States, with a market share of around 43 percent and more than six billion videos viewed in January 2009.
In First Blood is mentioned:
1 Medal of Honor
Per dialogue in Rambo: First Blood Part II, during his Vietnam era service, Rambo was awarded:
2 Silver Star
4 Bronze Stars for Valor
4 Purple Heart
1 Distinguished Service Cross
1 Medal of Honor
In a deleted scene from Rambo III, Rambo's "Class A" uniform can clearly be seen with the following 13 ribbons:
Medal of Honor - Awarded two and refused another
Army Distinguished Service Medal
Distinguished Flying Cross
Soldier's Medal
Bronze Star
Purple Heart
Air Medal
Combat Action Ribbon
Vietnam Service Medal
Prisoner of War Medal
Army Service Ribbon
Vietnam Wound Medal
Vietnam Campaign Medal
Various special duty badges can also be seen on Rambo's "Class A" uniform, including:
Combat Infantryman Badge
Aircraft Crewman Badge
Senior Combat Parachutist Badge
Expert Weapons Qualification Badge
Robert "Budd" Dwyer was an American politician who, on the morning of January 22, 1987, committed suicide by shooting himself in the mouth with a revolver during a televised press conference.
On January 22, 1987, Dwyer called a press conference. Dwyer stopped with his prepared text and called to three of his staffers, giving each an envelope. One of the envelopes contained a suicide note to his wife. The second contained an organ donor card and other related materials. The third contained a letter to Pennsylvania Governor Robert P. Casey, who had taken office only two days before.
After handing out all three envelopes, Dwyer opened a manila envelope and withdrew a .357 Magnum revolver, advising those in the crowd, "Please leave the room if you think this will offend you." Those in attendance cried out to Dwyer, pleading with him to put the gun down; "Budd, don't do this!", "Budd, this is not right!", and "Budd, listen to me!" can be heard off-screen. Some tried to approach him. "Don't, don't, don't, this will hurt someone," he warned. Amid the cry of "Budd, Budd, Budd!" Dwyer put the gun barrel into his mouth and pulled the trigger. He collapsed against a wall in a sitting position, blood pouring from his nose and an exit wound at the top of his head, all in front of five television news cameras while witnesses were screaming and using profanity in shock. Dwyer was declared dead at the scene at 11:31 a.m. EST.
Yes, it's off to Clearfield PA and Denny's Beer Barrel again...
Victor Lustig (January 4, 1890 – March 11, 1947) was a Jewish con artist who undertook scams in various countries and became best known as "the man who sold the Eiffel Tower. Twice.".
Lustig's first con involved a "money-printing machine". He would demonstrate the capability of the small box to clients, all the while lamenting that it took the device six hours to copy a $100 bill. The client, sensing huge profits, would buy the machines for a high price, usually over $30,000. Over the next twelve hours, the machine would produce two more $100 bills. After that, it produced only blank paper, as its supply of $100 bills became exhausted. By the time the clients realized that they had been scammed, Lustig was long gone.
In 1925, France had recovered from World War I, and Paris was booming, an excellent environment for a con artist. Lustig's master con came to him one spring day when he was reading a newspaper. An article discussed the problems the city was having maintaining the Eiffel Tower. Even keeping it painted was an expensive chore, and the tower was becoming somewhat run down. Lustig saw the possibilities behind this article and developed a remarkable scheme.
Lustig had a forger produce fake government stationery for him and invited six scrap metal dealers to a confidential meeting at the Hotel de Crillon, one of the most prestigious of the old Paris hotels, to discuss a possible business deal. All six attended the meeting. There, Lustig introduced himself as the deputy director-general of the Ministry of Posts and Telegraphs. He explained that they had been selected on the basis of their good reputations as honest businessmen, and then dropped his bombshell.
Lustig told the group that the upkeep on the Eiffel Tower was so outrageous that the city could not maintain it any longer, and wanted to sell it for scrap. Due to the certain public outcry, he went on, the matter was to be kept secret until all the details were thought out. Lustig said that he had been given the responsibility to select the dealer to carry out the task. The idea was not as implausible in 1925 as it would be today. The Eiffel Tower had been built for the 1889 Paris Exposition, and was not intended to be permanent. It was to have been taken down in 1909 and moved somewhere else. It did not fit with the city's other great monuments like the Gothic cathedrals or the Arc de Triomphe, and at the time, it really was in poor condition.
Lustig took the men to the tower in a rented limousine for an inspection tour. It gave Lustig the opportunity to gauge which of them was the most enthusiastic and gullible. Lustig asked for bids to be submitted the next day, and reminded them that the matter was a state secret. In reality, Lustig already knew he would accept the bid from one dealer, Andre Poisson (interestingly, in French the word poisson, which means "fish" in English, is also used as a derogatory epithet for someone who is particularly gullible). Poisson was insecure, feeling he was not in the inner circles of the Parisian business community, and thought that obtaining the Eiffel Tower deal would put him in the big league.
However, Poisson's wife was suspicious, wondering who this official was, why everything was so secret, and why everything was being done so quickly. To deal with her suspicion, Lustig arranged another meeting, and then "confessed". As a government minister, Lustig said, he did not make enough money to pursue the lifestyle he enjoyed, and needed to find ways to supplement his income. This meant that his dealings needed a certain discretion. Poisson understood immediately. He was dealing with another corrupt government official who wanted a bribe. That put Poisson's mind at rest immediately, since he was familiar with the type and had no problems dealing with such people.
So Lustig not only received the funds for the Eiffel Tower, he also collected a large bribe. Lustig and his personal secretary, a Franco American con man Robert Arthur Tourbillon also known as Dan Collins, hastily took a train for Vienna with a suitcase full of cash.
Surprisingly, nothing happened. Poisson was too humiliated to complain to the police. A month later, Lustig returned to Paris, selected six more scrap dealers, and tried to sell the Tower once more. This time, the chosen victim went to the police before Lustig could close the deal, but Lustig and Collins managed to evade arrest.
Later, Lustig convinced Al Capone to invest $50,000 in a stock deal. Lustig kept Capone's money in a safe deposit box for two months, then returned it to him, claiming that the deal had fallen through. Impressed with Lustig's integrity, Capone gave him $5,000. It was, of course, all that Lustig was after.
MORE HERE.
WARNING: THIS MIGHT BE STRETCHING SOME PEOPLE'S TASTE.
A brand-new 37-inch Sony flat screen television for $100? Great deal — until you take it out of the box and realize you just bought an oven door.
San Leandro police Lt. Pete Ballew called it a variation on the old "rocks in a box" scam, in which a box is presented as containing new, expensive electronics for sale but is actually full of rocks.
On Wednesday San Leandro police pulled over a man who had in his car a box containing what appeared to be an expensive 37-inch flat-screen television, but in actuality was a glass oven door cleverly disguised as a TV. The man is suspected of trying to sell the item for $100 in the parking lot of the San Lorenzo Wal-Mart.
"It was very ingenious," Ballew said. "If you were a bargain hunter, you might think, 'Wow, this is the deal of the day."
Police got an anonymous call Wednesday from someone who raised suspicions about a man who tried to sell him a television out of his beige 1980 Oldsmobile Cutlass in the Wal-Mart parking lot. The witness said the seller told him he had bought the TV for $60 at a flea market.
Later, Sgt. Luis Torres stopped the Cutlass after spotting it driving through San Leandro. The driver, Anthony Myles, 52, of Richmond, was arrested for driving on a suspended license. No charges were filed against Myles' passenger, a 53-year-old man.
The television in question was in the back of the car wrapped in packaging material. It had installation instructions on the back, a Best Buy price sticker for $1,949 and accompanying electric cables. Police confiscated the item, but no charges were filed in relation to its attempted sale.
"In today's economy, people are looking to save costs," Ballew said. "People will buy the story that people need to make rent and sold their TV on the cheap. But if you think you're getting something for nothing, you're probably getting nothing for something."
I know it's silly season, but the fact that this was actually on the evening news is still quite amazing. I can only assume they had absolutely nothing to fill their air time with and so and went and found a couple of complete fruit buns and simply filmed them.
Syracuse Common Councilor Michael Heagerty needed 335 valid signatures on his petitions to run for re-election on the Democratic Party line, a generally routine task for any incumbent. He was mortified to find Wednesday that he ended up one signature short.
And that he forgot to sign his own petition.
On Wednesday evening, a reporter broke the news to Heagerty that he didn't sign. "I didn't sign my own petition? You've got to be kidding me," he said.
Full story here.
An interesting article that goes to show that far from being the laid back cool kid everyone wanted to be back in the 1980s, Ferris Bueller was actually a dangerous psychopath...
Julian Brooker apology
IN an article published on The Sun website on January 27 under the headline 'Gollum joker killed in live rail horror’ we incorrectly stated that Julian Brooker, 23, of Brighton, was blown 15ft into the air after accidentally touching a live railway line. His parents have asked us to make clear he was not turned into a fireball, was not obsessed with the number 23 and didn’t go drinking on that date every month.
Julian’s mother did not say, during or after the inquest, her son often got on all fours creeping around their house pretending to be Gollum.
Also, quotes from a witness should have been attributed to Gemma Costin not Eva Natasha. We apologise for the distress this has caused Julian’s family and friends.
The Sun
Yet another legend has passed away. Yesterday John Hughes died of a heart attack. John Hughes is the man responsible for some of the great movies of my childhood - not least Ferris Bueller's day off, which is one of my all time favourites. He also made Uncle Buck, Home Alone, Weird Science, Planes, Trains & Automobiles and The Breakfast Club.
And here's why they are so hated - the most ridiculous, toe curling, clichéd, embarrassing interview ever given by anybody on British television. It is like a modern day Spinal Tap:
It just gets worse and worse and worse in part two...
Late at night on 1st August 2009, a 15-minute TV promotional video featuring music by Raygun along with an extended interview was broadcast on British TV network Channel 4 in their 4Play slot. The interview segments from the video were uploaded by a viewer to YouTube, and the clip quickly began to gain notoriety, mainly for the supposedly naive or cliched responses given by the band. After being featured on the NME website under the title "The Video That Made Me Laugh Until I Cried Today" and The Guardian website under the subhead: "The world sinks to a new low", particularly mocking the lead singers comment of "We might have mojitos at 11am in the morning! I mean, what the hell, man?". Sony BMG issued a take-down notice for the video, leading to accusations that they were attempting to shield the band from criticism. In fact, the footage is freely available elsewhere on YouTube.
Wikipedia
In the second season episode "All Americans," Al notes that he is watching Super Bowl XXX and that the Steelers are three points behind. The game did in fact feature the Steelers, who trailed the Dallas Cowboys by three points—20-17—midway through the fourth quarter. This is notable because the episode was filmed over six years before the game actually took place.
World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.
Lord only knows how long this must have taken to put together, but it's really rather good...
A car dealer in Missouri has devised an unusual approach to combating the crash in the US motor market -- he is offering a free rifle with every truck.
US vehicle sales have plummeted in the recession, so Max Muller of Max Motors near Kansas City is offering a gift certificate for a Kalashnikov AK-47 worth £320 ($450) with every vehicle purchase to boost sales.
Muller only sells American vehicles, giving credibility to his business slogan: 'God, Guns, Guts, and American Pick-Up Trucks'.
He said that he has had a great response thanks to the drug problem in the area. "It's extremely successful. There is a lot of worry about crime, we have a methamphetamine problem around here and people just want to protect themselves. And what could be better than supporting American products in these troubled times?"
The guns are American–made by IO Inc in North Carolina, although they were first developed in the Soviet Union. The AK-47 was used by the Viet Cong during the Vietnam War, and became a symbol of resistance to America.
This is not the first time that Muller has given away free weapons. Last year he gave away a free handgun with the purchase of any vehicle, and claimed that he sold around 35 extra cars during the promotion than he normally would have.
He told CNN: "We're just trying to generate some traffic, generate some interest and enthusiasm and it seems to work real well. We're not just going to give people an AK-47 gun. Felons buy cars, too.
"What we are going to do is we're going to give them a voucher where they can go to their local gun dealer or we have local gun dealers we would strongly recommend where they can go buy a gun and go through the proper background checks so the guns end up in the right hands."
It is thought that this is the first time that the AK-47 has been used as an incentive to buy vehicles.
Ah, the greatest movies ever made: Back to the Future and Back to the Future 2. Of course, the role of Jennifer Parker was originally played by Claudia Wells. However she refused to come back to do the sequel for personal reasons. She was replaced by, in my opinion, the inferior Elisabeth Shue. That meant that they had to re-film the opening on BttF2 replacing Wells with Shue. How well good did they do?
Jennifer Jane Parker is a fictional character in the Back to the Future motion picture trilogy. The character has been played by two actresses in the movies and voiced by a third in the spin-off series. Jennifer is always a secondary character in the stories, the girlfriend of the protagonist Marty McFly.
The character of Jennifer Parker was called Suzy Parker in the original script of Back to the Future. Movie director Robert Zemeckis changed the character's name to Jennifer after attorney Larry H. Parker's daughter, in gratitude, as Mr. Parker was instrumental in settling a copyright infringement suit in favor of Mr. Zemeckis.
The character was played by Claudia Wells in Back to the Future. Wells was not available to film the sequels for personal reasons, and the role was recast to Elisabeth Shue (coincidentally, Shue's mother Anne Harms' maiden name is Wells). Consequently, the final scene of Back to the Future, which leads to Back to the Future Part II and which is shown at the beginning of that movie, had to be re-shot with Shue taking Wells' place. Finally, in the spin-off Back to the Future: the Animated Series, Jennifer was voiced by Cathy Cavadini.
Melora Hardin was at first chosen to play Jennifer Parker, but had to be let go because she was found to be taller than Michael J Fox, who replaced Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly. The producers felt that Marty McFly's girlfriend needed to be of equal or shorter height or the pairing would not look aesthetically appealing. Hence, she was replaced with Claudia Wells, who had no such height issues compared to Michael J Fox.
More at the usual place.
There is a website I read occasionally when I am bored to pass the time called Test From Last Night. It is a collection of the funny texts people have received, usually from drunk friends. Here are a few of my favourites:
(314): So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
(308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
(404): Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
(1-404): Two?
(404): Two.
(612): What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
(619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
(216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
(440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
(216): Holy shit r u serious? How?
(440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passed out. When you wish upon a star...
(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more.
(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
(401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
(330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You get the idea...
It is classic tabloid territory - using the latest computer technology, the showbiz pages tell us what the stars of the day will look like when they get old.
Oh how incredibly wrong they were with Michael Jackson. While it would have taken an extraordinary piece of software to get him right, simply adding a very 1980s 'tache to a contemporary photo and a horrible jacket and tie combo straight out of the 80s too is a very poor effort indeed.
Note the caption: "Michael Jackson at 40 will have aged gracefully and will have a handsome, more mature look. In number, his fame will have grown tenfold by the year 2000".
I would say they got that wrong on every single count.
(Yes! I managed to get through a Micheal Jackson post without making a tasteless gag about his death. It is definitely time to let him rest in pieces...)
It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If’in you don’t know by now
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do some how.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right
It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
but I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' walkin’ down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right
So long, Honey Babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right
Vivian Nicholson famously claimed she would “spend, spend, spend” after winning £152,300 (worth about £3 million in today’s money) when playing the Castleford football pools in 1961. Since then she has been widowed, married five times, suffered from a stroke and been treated for alcoholism, deported from Malta, became a Jehovah’s Witnesses, tried to commit suicide and spent time in a mental institution. She spent her winnings on Harrods dresses, luxury cars and holidays and was the subject of the West End production of her life, aptly called “Spend, Spend, Spend”, with Barbara Dickenson playing her role. She is now living on £87 a week pension.
Other amusing stories, including the King of Chavs, here.
This is without doubt the most sinister, scary, messed up thing I have ever seen. It truly is terrifying. What in the name of the sweet Lord is going on here?! This man needs to be locked up, he is clearly abusing his very sinister talents. His laugh is like something out of a Batman movie.
Extreme.
Action Park was a waterpark/motor themed park open from 1978 to 1996 in Vernon Township, New Jersey, on the property of the former Vernon Valley / Great Gorge ski area, today Mountain Creek.
Its popularity went hand in hand with a reputation for poorly-designed, unsafe rides; inattentive, underaged, underpaid and sometimes under-the-influence employees; equally intoxicated and underprepared visitors — and the poor safety record that followed from this perfect storm of circumstances. At least six people are known to have died as a result of mishaps on rides at the park, and it was nicknamed "Traction Park", "Accident Park", "Class Action Park", "Danger Park" and "Death Park" by doctors at nearby hospitals due to the number of severely injured parkgoers they treated. While little action was taken by state regulators despite a history of repeat violations, in its later years personal-injury lawsuits forced the closure of more and more rides and finally the park itself.
Action Park's most successful years were the mid-1980s. Most rides were still open, and the park's later reputation for danger had not yet developed. In 1982, the deaths of two visitors within a week of each other and ensuing permanent closure of one ride took place, but that hardly dampened the flow of crowds.
The park's fortunes began to turn with two deaths in summer 1984 and the legal and financial problems that stemmed from the lawsuits. A state investigation of improprieties in the leasing of state land to the resort led to a 110-count grand jury indictment against the nine related companies that ran the resort and their executives for operating an unauthorized insurance company. Many took pretrial intervention to avoid prosecution; head Eugene Mulvihill pled guilty that November to five insurance fraud-related charges. Still, attendance remained high and the park remained profitable at least on paper. The park entertained over a million visitors a year, with as many as 12,000 coming on some of the busiest weekends.
Park officials said this made the injury and death rate statistically insignificant. Nevertheless, the director of the emergency room at a nearby hospital said they treated from five to ten victims of park accidents on some of the busiest days, and the park eventually bought the township of Vernon extra ambulances to keep up with the volume.
Many of Action Park's attractions were unique. They gave patrons more control over their experience than they would have at most other amusement parks' rides, but for the same reason were considerably riskier.
The one ride that has come to symbolize Action Park and its extreme thrill-seeking was, paradoxically, almost never used.
In the mid-1980s GAR built an enclosed water slide, not unusual for that time, and indeed the park already had several. But for this one they decided to build, at the end, a complete vertical loop of the kind more commonly associated with roller coasters. Employees have reported they were offered hundred-dollar bills to test it. "It didn't buy enough booze to drown out the memory", said Fergus.
It was opened for one month in summer 1985 before it was closed at the order of the state's Advisory Board on Carnival Amusement Ride Safety, a highly unusual move at the time. One worker told a local newspaper that "there were too many bloody noses and back injuries" from riders, and it was widely rumored, and reported in Weird NJ, that some of the test dummies sent down before it was opened had been dismembered. A rider also reportedly got stuck at the top of the loop due to insufficient water pressure, and a hatch had to be built at the bottom of the slope to allow for future extrications.
The Tidal Wave Pool: The first patron death occurred here in 1982; another visitor would drown in this common water-park attraction five years later. It was, however, the number of people the lifeguards saved from a similar fate that made this the only Waterworld attraction to gain its own nickname, "The Grave Pool." Twelve lifeguards were on duty at all times, and on high-traffic weekends they were known to rescue as many as 30 people, compared to the one or two the average lifeguard might make in a typical season at a pool or lake.
The Tarzan Swing: This was a steel arch hanging from a 20-foot (6.1 m)-long (6 m) cable over a spring-fed pool. Patrons waited in long lines for the chance to hang from it, swing out over the water, then jump off as the beam reached its height. Some patrons hung on too long and scraped their toes on the concrete at the far side. Others used the ride properly, but then were surprised to find out the water underneath was very cold. It was cold enough, in fact, that the lifeguards sometimes had to rescue people who were so surprised by the sudden chill they couldn't swim out. In 1984, one man died from a heart attack after experiencing the swing.
Surf Hill: This ride, common to other water parks at the time, allowed patrons to slide down a water-slick sloped surface on mats into small puddles, until they reached a foam barrier after an upslope at the end. Barriers between lanes were minimal, and people frequently collided with each other on the way down, or at the end. The seventh lane was known as the "back breaker," due to its special kicker two-thirds of the way down intended to allow jumps and splashdowns into a larger puddle.[13] Employees at the park used to like eating at a nearby snack bar with a good view of the attraction, since it was almost guaranteed that they could see some serious injuries, lost bikini tops, or both.
Super Speed Water Slides: These were two water slides, set slightly apart from the rest of the park, that took advantage of nearly vertical slopes to allow riders to attain higher speeds than usually possible. hose who made it to the bottom found their progress arrested by water, which made a large splash, and then a small pool. The speed at which riders met the end resulted in many getting wedgies and enemas from the experience.
Six people are known to have died directly or indirectly from rides at Action Park:
On July 8, 1980, a 19-year-old park employee was riding the alpine slide when his car jumped the track and his head struck a rock, killing him.
On July 24, 1982, a 15-year-old boy drowned in the Tidal Wave Pool.
A week later, on August 1, a 27-year-old man from Long Island got out of his tipped kayak on the Kayak Experience to right it. He was electrocuted when he stepped on a grate that was either in contact with, or came too close to, a section of wiring for the underwater fans that was exposed. Several other members of his family nearby were also injured. He was taken to a hospital in nearby Warwick, New York where he died later of heart failure from the electric shock.
The park at first disputed that the electric current caused his death, saying there were no burns on his body, but the coroner responded that burns generally do not occur in a water-based electrocution.
The ride was drained and closed for the investigation. Accounts differed as to the extent of the exposed wiring: the park said it was "just a nick," while others said it was more like 8 inches (20 cm). The state's Labor Department found that the fan was properly maintained and installed and cleared the park of wrongdoing; however it also said the current had the possibility to cause bodily harm under certain circumstances. While the park said it was vindicated, it never reopened the ride, saying people would be afraid to go on it afterwards.
In 1984, a fatal heart attack suffered by one visitor was unofficially believed to have been triggered by the shock of the cold water in the pool beneath the Tarzan Swing. The water on the Tarzan Swing and in that swimming area was 50-60 °F (10-16 °C) while other water areas were in the 70-80 °F (21-27 °C) range more typical of swimming pools. The Tarzan swing and the cannon ball ride in this area were operated by spring water.
On August 27 of that year, a 20-year-old from Brooklyn drowned in the Tidal Wave Pool.
On July 19, 1987, an 18-year-old drowned in the Tidal Wave Pool.
Read the full, amazing wikipedia entry here.
I have not looked at the stats, but I suspect the readership of the Last Turkey consists of the half a dozen or so authors, a few friends and the odd lost cyber space traveller. Hardly the basis for world take over sized business plan. Then again, blogging for most people is not about making money, it is just a bit of fun and an outlet for your opinions, funny stories and whatever is on your mind.
Then there is Perez Hilton. For those who don't know, Perez Hilton is probably the most pointless "celebrity" on planet earth. He basically runs a blog that talks about other celebrities like it matters. Like it really, really matters. Well, it seems, celebrities really do matter to a lot of people.
Hilton's blog has just had its busiest month (not least because rap star Will.I.Am" allegedly belted the annoying little pratt and he milked it for all it was worth). Check out the stats - it is enough to make even Rupert Murdoch whince:
Last week, was our busiest week ever on the site!
And, the month of June was our most visited month in the website’s history.
According to Sitemeter.com, we had 268.9 million page views last month.
That’s insane!!!!
Our previous record was 249.9 million in February of this year.
And, just a year ago, in June of 2008, we “only” had 207.3 million page views for the month.
The Inquister has done a little bit of maths on all this, presumably to make us all feel like we have completed wasted out lives pursuing far less frivolous pursuits:
268.9 million page views in 30 days for June 2008. Let’s break that down and do some rough guesstimates:
268,900,000 / 30 days = 8,963,000+ pageviews average per day, or 373,000 pageviews per hour, which is more than most sites on the internet could hope for in a month, but I digress.
Lets look at some possible revenue figures. If Perez is getting on average about $5 gross per 1000 page views, a very conservative estimate, monthly gross revenue for the site would come in at about $1,344,500 per month. Since a site the size of PH would more than likely have special deals with advertisers, plus the fact that the main agency on the site is Blogads, that $5/1000 would more than likely be up near the $10/1000 (possibly more) which would effectively double gross revenue to somewhere in the range of $2.5mil to $2.7mil. per month.
The numbers are rough with a lot of guessing involved, but it’s safe to say the Queen of all media is no slouch financially and is running a $15mil - $20mil + per year business, which is probably more than a lot of the stars he snipes at are making.
Shy and retiring comedian, Frankie Boyle, has been forced to quit his newspaper column at The Daily Record because he has had a disagreement with the editor. Poor Frankie, he is such nice, wholesome chap, I just cannot imagine why he would have to leave. He press release does provide some clues, though still, I am at a loss to explain why one of Scotland's biggest selling dailies could ever feel that their audience would not agree with his mainstream opinions - he is such a family man after all. His statement simple says:
With lines like "“ We don’t want paedophiles round here! Unless they’ve really worked on their choreography…”, he was right on the money as far as I could tell...Oh dear. Had to quit my Daily Record column over a moral disagreement. We disagreed over whether it was ok to make jokes about a dead child molestor. Here is the whole column, big love my n***ers.
Frankie x
Omitting a couple of rogue entries, here is the top 20 to 2:
02. Hey Jude/Let it be - The Beatles
03. All You Need is Love - The Beatles
04. Wouldn't it be Nice - The Beach Boys
05. California Girls - The Beach Boys
06. Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys
07. In my Life - The Beatles
08. She Loves You - The Beatles
09. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - The Beatles
10. Surfin' USA - The Beach Boys
11. Do it again - The Beach Boys
12. Barbara Ann - The Beach Boys
13. I want to hold your hand - The Beatles
14. Help me Rhonda - The Beach Boys
15. With a little help from my friends - The Beatles
16. Sloop John B - The Beach Boys
17. Twist and Shout - The Beatles
18. Strawberry Fields Forever - The Beatles
19. I Get Around - The Beach Boys
20. Can't Buy me Love - The Beatles
But the greatest of them all is yet to come. At number one is song that I not only rate as the best by either of The Beatles/Beach Boys, but also one of, if not the greatest song ever made. Even Paul McCartney rates it as the greatest of time, it is the perfect "God Only Knows" by Brian Wilson and The Beach Boys:
"God Only Knows" is the eighth track on the Pet Sounds album and one of the most widely recognized songs performed by American pop band The Beach Boys. It was composed and produced by Brian Wilson, with lyrics by Tony Asher, and the lead vocal was sung by Carl Wilson.
The song broke new ground in many ways. It was one of the first pop songs to use the word 'God' in its title. The song was also far more technically sophisticated than anything the Beach Boys, or arguably any pop group, had ever attempted before - particularly the complicated melodic structure and vocal harmonies. As producer, Brian Wilson also used many unorthodox instruments for the genre, including the harpsichord and French horns that are heard in the song's famous introduction.
Tony Asher has noted the irony that this, one of the all-time great love songs, opens with the line 'I may not always love you' (although the line is turned on its head by the subsequent lines).
Mojo Magazine ranked the song as the 13th greatest song of all time. Pitchfork Media named it the best song of the 1960s. The song is 25th on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 greatest songs of all time.
"God Only Knows" was one of the first pop songs to use the word "God" in its title (a decision that Wilson and Asher agonized over, fearing it would not get airplay as a result). As Brian's former wife Marilyn describes "The first time I heard it, Brian played it for me at the piano. And I went, 'Oh my god, he's talking about God in a record.' It was pretty daring to me. And it was another time I thought to myself, 'Oh, boy, he's really taking a chance.' I thought it was almost too religious. Too square. At that time. Yes, it was so great that he would say it and not be intimidated by what anybody else would think of the words or what he meant."
Tony Asher also explains that he and Brian "had lengthy conversations during the writing of 'God Only Knows', because unless you were Kate Smith and you were singing 'God Bless America', no one thought you could say 'God' in a song. No one had done it, and Brian didn't want to be the first person to try it. He said, 'We'll just never get any air play.' Isn't it amazing that we thought that? But it worked, and 'God Only Knows' is, to me, one of the great songs of our time. I mean the great songs. Not because I wrote the lyrics, but because it is an amazing piece of music that we were able to write a very compelling lyric to. It's the simplicity - the inference that 'I am who I am because of you' - that makes it very personal and tender.
Brian explains that although he feared putting the word 'God' in the title of the song, he eventually agreed to keep it. He explains that he agreed to keep the word 'God' in the title firstly, "because God was a spiritual word, and secondly, because Brian and The Beach Boys would "be breaking ground."
Brian Wilson originally intended to sing lead vocal on 'God Only Knows' but in the end he sacrificed the lead vocal to his brother Carl: "Well, I thought I was gonna do it. As the song progressed, I said, 'Hey, I feel kind of natural doing this.' But when we completed creating the song, I said my brother Carl will probably be able to impart the message better than I could, so I sacrificed that one. But he had a good time singing it."
Carl Wilson later described how lucky he felt being given the opportunity to sing 'God Only Knows': "I was honored to be able to sing that one. It is so beautifully written, it sings itself. Brian said something like, 'Don't do anything with it. Just sing it real straight. No effort. Take in a breath. Let it go real easy.' I was really grateful to be the one to sing that song. I felt extremely lucky."
Paul McCartney has expressed on a number of occasions his love for the song. In an interview with David Leaf in 1990, he stated that "It's a really, really great song—it's a big favorite of mine. I was asked recently to give my top ten favorite songs for a Japanese radio station...I didn't think long and hard on it, but I popped that [God Only Knows] on the top of my list. It's very deep. Very emotional, always a bit of a choker for me, that one. There are certain songs that just hit home with me, and they're the strangest collection of songs...but that is high on the list, I must say...God Only Knows' ' lyrics are great. Those do it to me every time."
Speaking on a special Radio 1 show to mark the British station's 40th anniversary, McCartney said "'God Only Knows' is one of the few songs that reduces me to tears every time I hear it. It's really just a love song, but it's brilliantly done. It shows the genius of Brian. "I've actually performed it with him and I'm afraid to say that during the sound check I broke down. It was just too much to stand there singing this song that does my head in, and to stand there singing it with Brian."
Bono said in October 2006 during Brian Wilson's induction into the UK Music Hall of Fame that "the string arrangement on 'God Only Knows' is fact and proof of angels."