The Facts

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WORLDOMETERS

Chicken in a can




Danny MacAskill April 2009

How good is this guy?

Stand by Me


Playing For Change | Song Around The World "Stand By Me" from Concord Music Group on Vimeo.

From the award-winning documentary, "Playing For Change: Peace Through Music", comes the first of many "songs around the world" being released independently. Featured is a cover of the Ben E. King classic by musicians around the world adding their part to the song as it travelled the globe.

Zoiks!

Capitalist hugs

A capitalists tries to out-do his hippy counterpart by offering hugs at $2.00 a go instead of free ones - but his are better. The hippy gets a little irate by all of this and some "customers" are more than happy to pay...

Girl vomits on herself

Self explanatory.........

You can fail a breatherliser test in two ways: either blow a positive sample or this:

Want to know eleven predictions that BTTF part 2 got right? Hell yeah you do you. Click here to find out.

And a very unfair, pointless and ridiculous post about things BTTF part 2 got wrong. How dare they make any negative comments about the greatest film ever made (along with BTTF part 1). Anyway, it's only 2009, we have another 6 years before anyone can even begin to say they got it wrong!

Here kitty, kitty

I feel dirty

So it turns out that creepy guy who was miming to Pretty Women in a couple of posts down the page is a complete and utter wrong'un... (allegedly). Some other websites have indicated that he may be this man:

See here and here. Let's never mention him again.

Glendale, CA - Kick Ass Pictures, a Los Angeles-based adult entertainment company, is offering internet singing sensation Susan Boyle $1 million to lose her virginity on camera. Ms. Boyle became an instant superstar this week when footage of her incredible singing on "Britain's Got Talent" was viewed by tens of millions of people on the internet.

Kick Ass is so confident that she will accept the offer that they have already set up the web site SusanBoyleXXX.com where people can vote on the movie's title (e.g. Desperately Shagging Susan, Never Been Banged), theme song (e.g. Madonna's Like a Virgin, Foreigner's Feels Like the First Time) and co-star, among other things.

The 47-year-old Ms. Boyle claims that she's never been kissed. "The logical extension of that statement is that she's still a virgin," said Kick Ass president Mark Kulkis. "We have always wanted to produce a movie in which a bona fide virgin loses her maidenhood on camera. That's a very personal, intimate moment in a woman's life. Doing it in front of bright lights and cameras in a San Fernando Valley studio will make it that much more special."


Read the full story here. (perhaps not safe for work if your friendly IT monsters are a bit strict).

Pretty Creepy

How to make a perfectly good, innocent song very creepy (the ending is the cherry on top of the creepy pie...)

A Tribe of Toffs

I remember thinking this was a bit odd when it came it, but now it is just completely bonkers. Be warned: THIS WILL BE STUCK IN YOUR HEAD FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!



A Tribe of Toffs were a novelty pop band from Sunderland, England, best remembered for their 1988 Top 40 single, "John Kettley is a Weatherman".

The band was formed in 1986 by four pupils from Bede Comprehensive School in Sunderland. They were noticed after sending a tape of their songs to children's TV presenter, Andy Crane. The producer of CBBC's, But First This, Paul Smith liked the tape and arranged for the band to come down to London in July 1988 to record the 'the bloody Kettley record' (as the band were later to call it) at the BBC Television's Maida Vale Studios.

Following their novelty hit, the band were keen to release some more serious songs, but were unable to secure a recording contract. They decided to release a second humorous single in 1989 called "Terry Wogan's On TV (Again)" but it did not chart.

The band split in 1990 and retired from the music industry.


Wikipedia

Le Petoman


His mother must be proud.

Going to cold call on a suspected criminal to confront them about their misdemeanours probably seemed like a good idea back at the office, but no-one had factored in the nutter...

Some new definitions from the team of ISIHAC - I am sure the Edmondson blog will enjoy this...

Jizz in my Pants


40 million views on YouTube!

Which way for...

Notice to all passengers


Chow Time

From the BBC website (click here to watch the video). My bold:

An Indian mother is set for an entry into the Guinness World Records after eating 51 of the world's hottest chilli in two minutes.

Anandita Dutta Tamuly, 26, gobbled up the "ghost chillis" in front of visiting British chef Gordon Ramsay in the north-eastern state of Assam.

Ms Tamuly told Associated Press she "felt terrible" - because she had managed 60 in an earlier local event.

Mr Ramsay tried a chilli but said "it's too much" and pleaded for water.

He is in Assam for a television shoot of a global food series.

Guinness World Records accepted in 2007 that the ghost chilli was the world's spiciest at more than one million Scoville units, the measure of spiciness, twice the heat of its closest rival.

A standard green chilli has about 1,500 units.

The chilli record took place on Thursday in Jorhat, 300km (200 miles) north-east of state capital, Guwahati.

Ms Tamuly told AP she used to eat the chilli as a child "while children of my age roamed the village to look for berries".

Atul Lahkar, a local chef, told the Times of India that Ms Tamuly also "smeared seeds of 25 chillies in her eyes in one minute with the crowd simply awestruck".

The previous record for eating was held by a South African with eight jalapenos in a minute.

Guinness World Records has not yet formally confirmed the record.

The Black Bra

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.One's engaged, one is a mistress, and I've been married for 13 years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice,stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes and agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.Here's how it all went :
My engaged friend:The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' and we made love all night long.
The mistress:Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said..."What's for dinner, Batman?"

Damon Hill makes me sick

Snip snip

Two surgeons are having a drink.

One surgeon says to the other, "What do you specialise in?"
The other surgeon says, "Appendixes, its quite simple a little snip here, a little snip there and bobs your Uncle" he then says, "What do you specialise in?"

The other surgeon says, "Sex changes, its not quite the same but its still simple, a little snip here, a little snip there and bobs your Auntie".

Aaaaggggrrrrrrhhhhhhh!

Serious Muscles


One of the best lines from one of the best films in cinema history.

Say Please


Some say Arnold's work compares to Gielgud's. I now see why.

Naga Jolokia

Chilli eating, the Australian way.

Bruno


I always thought this was his weakest character, but this trailer does look funny.

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

Herb decided to propose to Sandi , but prior to her acceptance Sandi had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at the maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.

However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he had a deformity too. Herb looked Sandi in the eyes and said...

"I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."

She said, "Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."

Sandi and Herb got married and they could not wait for the honeymoon.

Herb whisked Sandi off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another... As Sandi put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and ran out of the room!

Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, "You told me your penis was the size of an infant!"

"Yes, it is..." exclaimed Herb, "8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long."

Honest effort!

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